...Until Eating Disorders Are No More
Feel free to use the Ask box or to email me at EDsNoMore@gmail.com.
An eating disorder is nothing to be ashamed of!
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Be careful what you wish for… because you might get treated like a woman.
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How to handle a drunk girl passed out on your couch.
wow perfect
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“Understanding what intersex means also helps with understanding what it doesn’t mean. Our bodies are natural and normal and healthy; while some...”
Click the title for my full write-up from Lobby Day last week!
“We hold a Congressional Briefing every time there’s a Lobby Day to offer in-depth testimonies from a variety of people who have been effected by eating disorders. This Spring, the spotlight was on diversity, because eating disorders don’t discriminate by race, gender, orientation, cultural background, or socioeconomic status.
Among the speakers was Sarah Yeung, an immigrant from Hong Kong, shared a moving testimony about developing an eating disorder after relocating to the U.S. and the challenges she faced getting treatment. Another woman named Tracy Smith spoke on behalf of her daughter, Reanna, who died while waiting for treatment to be approved. Tracy had been told by her insurance company that her daughter’s eating disorder was not “life threatening” and denied treatment. Desperate, Tracy took a new job with a better insurance plan, but Reanna died just two weeks before the plan would have come into effect.
I wish these were uncommon stories. But I hear them all the time. In a country like the United States where eating disorders have been observed, treated, and diagnosed for over half a century, it is shameful and tragic and wrong that people are dying from a treatable and preventable problem in record numbers.”
The sign I’m holding reads: ‘ I support FREED because some people still don’t believe men can get eating disorders. I was anorexic for two years.’
In just 47 seconds, Minor Threat set off a chain reaction of a new way of thinking. Realizing there was a whole sub-culture philosophy of punk that went against the grain of the party scene was huge for me. It just made sense, and knowing there were other people who felt the same way validated that interest in being sober instead of feeling like an outcast among my other friends.
When I developed an eating disorder in college, I believe now that if I hadn’t been disinterested in drinking or doing drugs that I would have been a lot worse off, as I would have had one more way to numb myself from how horrible I felt. When anorexia was in control, I hated myself and the entire world. I don’t think I would have found the motivation and will to seek recovery if I had been open to drinking, and I’m eternally grateful for the factors and people in my life that led me to being able to verbalize something I had always felt but never felt welcomed to express among my peers, that I just had no interest in using intoxicants.
Putting this here because I might blog about it at a later point, and thought I’d share it for now to see if anyone else had any interesting thoughts. That, and Facebook has a tendency to have things get buried after awhile, and I spent a lot of time writing this, so I’m archiving it on Tumblr.
Today on Facebook, a good friend of mine posted the following:
I’ve been totally caught up lately in examining how feminism has a history of racism, homophobia, transphobia, classism, cissexism, etc, and I don’t think that the word “feminism” can’t ever be separated from that history…in other words, I think I’m making a conscious decision to not identify as a feminist anymore. Whoa.
This was my response:
I’d say that it had to start somewhere and it’s ever-evolving, just like any other philosophy or movement. If the ideals and foundation are sound, though, then it’s the job of radical thinkers (like yourself!) to call things out when you see them and help advance the issue towards one that reflects its full potential.
To me, feminism is completely incompatible with all the prejudices you identified, but plenty of people get exposed to mainstream feminism and come from sheltered backgrounds where they just haven’t yet connected the dots on how all the issues are connected, or that they may actually have their own prejudices against things they don’t understand because they haven’t been exposed or educated on the subject.
That absolutely doesn’t excuse someone for doing or saying things that are racist, gender biased, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, etc, but that doesn’t mean that those people are inherently those things, either. It’s similar to the eating disorder work I do where, before we earn support for our cause to be supported, we have to go in and educate people to understand the seriousness of the issues we want them to support.
I’ll be the first to admit that it’s… frustrating to ask politely for something that is so self-evident like adequate mental health care for a life-threatening illness, but part of it is just meeting people where they are at. If someone has never heard anything about eating disorders except for what they see on the cover of gossip magazines in the grocery store, I can’t expect them to realize that they effect diverse populations, have the highest mortality rate of any mental health disorder, etc. and I’m willing to educate on that fact.
Especially in the past year, though, as I’ve examined gender as a social construct with regard to my own eating disorder past and the barriers I encountered in getting help and being taken seriously, I’ve decided feminism is undoubtedly the necessary vehicle to bring about the changes required. At it’s heart, I see a vision where people are seen as people first, absent of any assumptions you might make about their personality, character, or interests based on their biological sex, gender identification, sexual orientation, race, etc.
The problems identified within the feminist movement are rooted in patriarchy, NOT feminism, and we are all inevitably severing our own roots to that patriarchal system because with few exceptions, we were all brought up in it no matter how much we fought it. For some people, those roots run much deeper than others, and I think it would be reactionary to turn your back on the movement which fights against patriarchy just because there are people involved who still haven’t fully realized the level of influence patriarchy has had on their life and worldview.
To me, the real question is what can be done to deal with it in a healthy way that isn’t confrontational or exclusionary (because feminism is for everyone!) but is also uncompromising in its intolerance for the pervasive and oppressing mindsets/attitudes that some people still haven’t broken free of.
Nothing starts out as perfect and you’re essentially working towards an ideal. A good foil to it is the idea that the US was founded on the ideals of a democratically free society, but it was flawed from its inception because it included the social systems of capitalism and puritanism, both of which are by their very nature patriarchal. It’s always been the job of more radical thinkers to call to attention the hypocrisy and injustice of outside ideas that allow prejudice to thrive within a system or philosophy who’s foundation shouldn’t allow for that prejudice in the first place (although someone should explain that to people like Bob McDonnell).
The important difference, of course, is that democracy is a system of government and feminism runs far deeper than that. But similarly, if you live in the US there’s a good chance that you have been exposed to the same capitalistic, puritanical bullshit. Some of us see through it really easily and feminism doesn’t seem so radical. Other people need to be completely re-educated and be exposed to new ways of thinking about the very basic nature of how we regard ourselves, our bodies, and what it means to be a diverse population.
This of course does not excuse prejudice and injustice. It just means we need to shout louder and more often.
“Yes of course, I’m scared of getting hurt, and yes of course I’m scared of being wrong. But at the same time my silence will convict me and the evil will carry on.” -Ian Mackaye, ‘Do Not Consider Yourself Free’
You aren’t fat and you aren’t skinny. You’re a consumer and they want your money, and they will exploit every insecurity you have to get it.
This is an interview I did two years ago for a podcast series put on by an insurance company called The Regence Group. It’s about ten minutes long, and also features Patrick Bergstrom. The interviews were conducted separately, so I’ve never met him, but I appreciate his story and perspective.
I’m looking forward to the day when titles like ‘Guys Have Eating Disorders, Too’ aren’t necessary. There isn’t any other health condition or disease where your gender would play a significant role or influence on how someone perceives you. This unfortunate and inaccurate stereotype of eating disorders being a woman’s problem creates stigma which prevents people from seeking help sooner. When I was sick, I often questioned if I really had a problem for a myriad of reasons. While a lot of it was just the nature of the disease and disordered thinking that comes along with being malnourished and out of control, I definitely questioned if I even “could be” anorexic given that I didn’t fit any of the stereotypes. If these personal and societal biases hadn’t existed, I might have gotten help much sooner.
I therefore feel as though any eating disorder discussion needs to be gender-inclusive. I see many talented, passionate people doing a lot of good work, from writers to bloggers to professionals to treatment facilities, but far too often the language has a gender bias in using primarily or exclusively female pronouns. If we were talking about menstrual cycles, that would be fine. But as it stands, any discussion on eating disorders which is not inclusive of both genders is by it’s very nature exclusive and does a disservice to the individuals suffering from eating disorders who happen to be male.
I recognize that the experience/causes of, and recovery from, an eating disorder can vary across gender. There could be extremely valid reasons for therapy groups to be women-only (or men-only!) and there is a lot of exploration and gender-specific discussion on both sides (last post being a perfect example). But I’ve heard/seen discussions on things like BMI reporting in schools which have centered on the effect it would have on girls, not students in general, even though students are being targeted equally with no regard to gender.
So, I encourage everyone to be conscious of their pronoun use, and be inclusive whenever possible. If we are to advance the cause forward and make real change in any level, whether it be grassroots awareness, among professionals, or legislatively, it is important that as we move forward we don’t leave anyone behind.
This was originally posted here in May 2011.
Oh, how times have changed!
Except, not really. Companies are still trying to profit off of our insecurities, many of which they manufacture themselves. New faces, same system.
(below is what I wrote after reading the above passage, which is also posted on my main blog)
It makes so much sense that I’m surprised it’s never been spoken with such clarity before now. Most of the men I’ve known who were homophobic were also more likely to engage in womanizing, catcalling, or other macho type stuff (although I realize that kind of behavior isn’t limited to the stereotypical frat boy). Turning the tables on that isn’t just about “eww that’s gross”, it runs way deeper than that.
I see this as worth talking about on here because these things are a part of how we think about ourselves in a roundabout way. Sexuality is such a pervasive force in our lives, and all the sexual thoughts and feelings (and acts!) we have are obviously linked to bodies – ain’t no way around it. This can get complicated when it comes to things like unwanted sexual advances.
If you’ve been keeping up with my writing, you’ve heard me talk about gender inclusivity being a necessary part of advancing the cause of eating disorders. Usually, I’m saying that in an effort to make sure that discussions aren’t strictly focused on the female experience. Here’s a perfect example, though, of it going in the other direction. It is imperative that this horrible aspect of our culture be understood by everyone, because how we regard ourselves and speak to ourselves is often influenced by how others regard us and speak to us, and the fact of the matter is that women by and large are regarded and spoken to in belittling, objectifying, and sexist ways so frequently that we expect it and often disregard it. And that’s a problem.
I readily acknowledge that just being a cis-male (read this if you don’t know what that means) has granted me a ton of privilege in the form of not having to worry about my physical safety in nearly the same capacity as many other people do, as I’m sure is the case for likely the majority of cis-males. This disconnect in the understanding of what it’s like for so many other people (which, interestingly enough, is the majority of our population, since generally speaking women make up 51% of the U.S.) is central to the way that the human body is commodified, from sexed up advertising which places women in submissive roles to all of the anti-abortion legislation being argued all over the country by, without exception, lawmaking bodies which are disproportionately made up of men. Often it seems the case that no one wants to deal with the reality of the situation, that the autonomy and dignity of women is frequently compromised, sometimes on an institutionalized basis, usually justified by shoulder-shrug excuses and antiquated notions of gender that are leftover from the pre-1950s.
I see it as a product of the patriarchal gender binary that is forced upon us from birth. Biological sex predicates many assumptions in our culture about who we should be and how we should act. The notion of masculinity produced by those assumptions is one of domination. Threats to that notion of dominance and superiority are met with hostility.
Feminist author bell hooks talks about this in her book, The Will to Change:
“Our work of love should be to reclaim masculinity and not allow it to be held hostage to patriarchal domination. There is a creative, life-sustaining, life-enhancing place for the masculine in a non-dominator culture. And those of us committed to ending patriarchy can touch the hearts of real men where they live, not by demanding that they give up manhood or maleness, but by asking that they allow its meaning to be transformed, that they become disloyal to patriarchal masculinity in order to find a place for the masculine that does not make it synonymous with domination or the will to do violence.”
And I think that that work begins with insights like what one reader submitted to Sullivan’s blog. When put in such plain terms, it can’t be ignored. Whether we’re talking about eating disorders or sexual assault, we have to be willing to look at these issues directly and be willing to hear the testimonies from people who have experienced them first-hand. Anything less does a disservice to their pain and suffering, and perpetuates the very problems that need to be fixed.
(via wilwheaton)
Finally had a chance to see Miss Representation last night at a VCU screening, and got my review right here!
“Other films, such as America the Beautiful, go a little bit more in depth in their dissection of the current culture surrounding body image and how we regard women. But, if America the Beautiful is a meticulous analysis of that culture, Miss Representation is a call to arms against it and the patriarchy which created and reinforces all the problems brought up, both for those of us living it now but especially for the rising generation.”
